The Worst Day of Dexter Douglas' Life
by equimaniac
Summary: Dexter is trying to write an essay for school, but Freak won't stop "helping" him. The essay he writes turns out to be not quite what either of them expected, but at least he won't have to read it aloud. Or will he?


The Worst Day of Dexter Douglas' Life

Synopsis:

Dexter is trying to write an essay for school, but Freak won't stop "helping" him. The essay he writes turns out to be not quite what either of them expected, but at least he won't have to read it aloud. Or will he? Of course he will! Don't be stupid.

Dexter sighed as he stared at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. The paper that was supposed to be done by tomorrow, hadn't even been started yet. Normally he would have this assignment done early and ready to turn in the day it was assigned, but this time it was different. The essay was about sports. Something Dexter didn't do. He was supposed to write about his favorite sport, describe why he liked it, the fundamentals of it, and how to play it. Dexter didn't even know how to play any sports, let alone like them. This was impossible! Suddenly, a hyper voice echoed in his head.

_ "You could write about bungee jumping, or sky diving! Oh, even better; dancing!" _Dexter glared at his pencil, trying to ignore Freakazoid's bad ideas.

_ "We've been sitting her for forever! Here, let me start ya off."_ With that said, Dexter's hand seemed to move on its own, writing sloppily on the paper "I like bungee jumping because". Dexter regained full control over his body and immediately erased what Freak had written, speaking aloud as he did so. "Freakazoid cut it out! I've never even been bungee jumping! I have a fear of heights so I don't skydive, and I don't dance!" He could tell Freak was dejected by this. Suddenly, Freakazoid had an idea.

_ "Oh! I got it! Typing!"_ Dexter raised an eyebrow, thinking back a response,

_"Typing isn't a sport."_

_ "Yes it is! Wikipedia says so!"_

_ "Wikipedia is lying." _

Freakazoid was oddly silent for a while, slightly scaring Dexter who was very used to Freak constantly talking about anything and everything. Then, the silence was ruined by a loud, dramatic "WHY?!" followed by sobbing and incoherent noises. Finally, Dexter had had enough.

_"Freakazoid if you don't shut up I swear I will make you hit yourself in the face with a brick 38 more times!" _Immediately, Freak was silent. For about five seconds.

_"So have you come up with anything yet?"_

_ "No, Freak, I haven't."_

_ "Well why not?"_

_ "Because I don't play any sports."_

_ "Well there's your problem! Let me out, Dexxy! I got an idea!"_

_ "What's your idea?" _

_ "Let me out and I'll show you!" _ There was a short pause, followed by a reluctant sigh, then

"Freak out!" Where Dexter had been now stood Freakazoid, grinning happily. He stretched and cracked his knuckles.

"Man, it's cramped in there! Okay, I'm gonna take ya to play a couple of sports and you see which one's ya like!" Dexter's voice now echoed through freak's head.

_"Oh, like basketball and soccer?" _Freak scoffed.

"_Please_, Dexter! Have some originality! No, you're gonna go bronc riding!"

_"What!? Freak are you crazy?" _Freakazoid paused for a brief moment, before replying

"Probably. Anyway, let's go! The wild horses await!" And with that, Freak jumped out the window and pretended to fly to the nearest rodeo… 50 miles away.

"And so in short, Dexter was bucked off a horse in record time (0.32 seconds), thrown out of a plane 500ft in the air, almost eaten by a shark while attempting surfing, and hit in the face with a gun when trying target shooting. Needless to say when he got back home, he was exhausted."

Tiredly, Dexter sat down at his desk, glaring at the still blank sheet of paper.

_"Wait, Dex! I got one last sport you could try!"_ Dexter slammed his pencil down and accidentally shouted "No!". Quieter, he said,

"Freak, I've been bucked off a horse, used as shark bait, and gave myself a black eye when I tried target shooting! I am done with you and your horrible ideas!"

_"You forgot about the skydiving!"_

"No, I didn't. I left that out on purpose _because_ I'm _trying_ to forget it!"

_"Dexter, please, just one last sport! You don't even have to play! We can just watch."_ Dexter still seemed somewhat skeptical.

"You promise?" From the freakazone, Freak nodded quickly.  
"Freak out!"

(1 hour later, at the local strip club)

"Freak you were right, I do like this sport! A lot! But now I gotta get home to write that essay- Freak? Hey! Are you listening? I want to go home!" Freakazoid was currently entirely absorbed in what was happening on stage and not paying the slightest bit of attention to Dexter. Dexter growled, then yelled as loud as he could, "FREAKAZOID!" Freak pulled his eyes away from the strippers and looked around briefly before realizing it was Dexter calling him. With this came the realization that Dexter wanted to go home, so (reluctantly) he went home.

At this point Dexter is beyond tired, but he still has to write that essay. So he begins, and with some help from Freakazoid (helping him stay awake and writing for him when he fell asleep), they completed the essay.

The next morning at school, Dexter was horrified to read what he had written. He could tell what parts Freak had wrote, and what he had written because Freakazoid's handwriting was much sloppier than his. Sitting in class, he read over his paper before the bell would ring for English.

Name: Dexter Douglas  
Sport: Pole dancing

My favorite sport is dancing because you can't get hurt dancing. Plus women look super sexy when they're dancing. What you do when you dance is you move your body around in rhythm to music around a pole. Then you take your clothes off. The more money people throw at you, the more clothes you take off. Dancing was created to express art in the form of motion. It is the oldest known sport that there is.

_"Freak, the sport was dancing! Not stripping!" _

_ "Oh, sorry. It's alright though, at least you don't have to read it out loud."_

Just then the bell rang. The English teacher stood up and made a _horrifying _announcement.

"Class, I have decided to make this assignment an oral report. We will begin in alphabetical order. Douglas, you'll go first."

And that was the worst day of Dexter Douglas' life.


End file.
